PDIN – SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTS
A child raised with a healthy parent’s attitude is actually a seed planted, to make the world a better place. If it is cultivated in healthy manner, world will somehow benefit when it becomes ripe. Although, if it is not cultivated well enough, unfortunately world will somehow suffer. We have prepared 33 suggestions for you. We hope you will benefit from these suggestions.
- PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION:
It is more appropriate for your child to undergo a psychiatric evaluation for their psychological problems. The specialist authorized to make this assessment is a psychiatric doctor. Leave it to the professional’s discretion which mental health services your child will receive. The method to treat psychological problems by which specialist may vary depending on the psychological problem. Some problems are treated by a psychiatrist using only psychiatric medication. Some other problems are treated with medication and psychotherapy and others problems are treated with psychotherapy only.
- DRUG USE:
Let your child use medication for psychological problems at the discretion of the psychiatrist. Psychiatric drugs start with the prescription of the psychiatrist and end with his control. Termination is done with a certain period. The psychiatrist should evaluate the medication situation and make a decision. If medications are stopped without consulting a psychiatrist, the return of the disease is usually more severe. If you want to get results from your child’s treatment, do not disrupt the current medication and act under expert supervision.
- THERAPY SERVICE:
If your child is receiving psychotherapy service, leave it to the expert’s discretion when the therapy ends. Psychotherapy is a professional process that requires expertise and is arranged in a specific plan and order. Specialists authorized to perform psychotherapy are psychiatrists, psychologists and psychological counselors. If you want to get results from your child’s treatment, do not disrupt his or her current psychotherapy and act under expert control.
- PARENTAL ATTITUDE:
In psychological research, it is known that individuals who grow up with authoritarian, oppressive, overprotective and uninterested parental attitude have negative feelings and perceptions about themselves and their lives. Your children’s behavior is just a reflection of your parenting role. When you see a psychosocial problem in your children, as a parent, first question your own behavior and try to change your wrong behavior.
Your child must know that you have limits. It is the parents who will teach him or her this. The child should know that everything will not always want and cannot be done. In order for his wishes to be fulfilled, never do when he or she cries, shouts, curses, or physically harms his environment. In these situations, pretend that your child is not with you and do not look at him. Always show this will, even if you are outside. Emphasize that if he speaks in a democratic manner without shouting or cursing, you may say that you will do what your child want and “if you see (as a parent) it okay”. Always show this will. You will soon see that your child will speak and express his wishes.
- GOOD AND BAD POLICE:
Use common language in communication with your children as a parent. Do not get into the role of good and bad cop. Follow the rules you set together. However, do not drown your children in rules. Avoid constant rule.
- REWARD AND PUNISHMENT:
Reward and punishment are very important for a child’s development. Rewards and punishments can be used to win the right behavior and to extinguish the wrong behavior. However, the reward should not turn into a silence, and the punishment should not turn into intimidation, stubbornness and torture. The reward should be given after the child performs the desired behavior, not before the desired behavior. The most effective reward: smile-hug-caress-kiss and applause. The most effective punishment is not to give the child what they want when the child does not exhibit the desired behavior.
Don’t fulfil whatever your kids want. Doing whatever he or she wants will cause him or her to be insatiable in the future. When you do not fulfil their wishes, explain why you are not doing it, in accordance with their age level.
- GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK:
Give your child the opportunity to express himself in any situation and in any environment. Do not interrupt his speech instead, support his speech. Support the child’s democratic expression and explanation without shouting or crying. Make eye contact with him or her. Make him or her feel that you listen and understand your child through your actions and statements.
- TALKING TOGETHER:
Try to chat and talk to your child as much as you can. Children love to express their views on topics they love. Talk to your child about matters that interest him or her. “Yes”, affirmations like “hım hım” and nod your head (meaning yes) to show that you are listening to him or her.
Invite your child to talk with phrases such as how was your day; while having dinner (or sitting in the living room), what did you do at school today. Talk to your child without interrupting his or her meal. Show that you are listening to him or her. Confirm your child with sentences like “hım, hım”, “yes”, when he is speaking.
- TEA TIME:
Have a tea / coffee time (at least 30 minutes) every day after dinner. You should definitely have children in this family event. Not everyone has to drink tea / coffee. Your children can drink different things. The important thing is for the family to gather together. Talk to each other, look into the speaker’s eyes, confirm him with your head. Show and make you feel that you care about every member of your family.
- PHYSICAL CONTACT:
Always hug and kiss your children and spouse every morning when you leave the house (you or your child) and when you come home in the evening (you or your child). Hug your family members by saying words; goodbye, see you, welcome, hello etc.
- THE SOFT OF LOVE:
At least 2-3 times a week, let’s be the love itself, parents and children hug each other for a while and kiss each other.
- PLAYING TOGETHER:
Play games with your children at least 3-4 times a week. As you play, explain the game rules in plain and simple words that he or she can understand. It should be noted that it is not always possible to beat in the game, and it may lose from time to time. Don’t let him win all the time. Occasionally beat him in the game. So he will realize that it is not always possible to beat.
- GAME AND RULES:
Do not allow your children to play in the bathroom, toilet, bedroom and kitchen. Allow him to play in other rooms of the house, as long as it does not damage household items. Let him play with his household items as long as they do not damage his household items. He or she must bring his toys and remove them themself. Never lift or carry it out. When playing with household items, keep in mind two rules: first, do not damage items, second, put the items in the place where they bought them after the game is over.
- LANGUAGE OF LOVE:
Highlight the language and behavior of love when communicating with your children and spouse. Affectionate language and behavior is the most effective solution for family problems. Children grow up with love.
- REFLECTING FAMILY PROBLEMS:
Do not reflect on your children your problems as a couple in any way. Do not involve your children in your couple problems. Do not try to attract your children to your side (to your side) when you have problems with your spouse.
- TALKING FAMILY PROBLEMS:
You can talk to your spouse democratically (without yelling, blaming, swearing, insulting, interrupting each other’s conversation) in the presence of your children about simple family problems. Talking this way will also be a positive role model for your children. Never talk or discuss serious family issues with your children. Have these conversations alone in environments where your children are not there
- LOVE WITH VIOLENCE:
Do not kick or slap your child, even if only jokingly. Do not love your child by hitting or acting hard. The child cannot distinguish between joke and reality. The child applies what he or she learns from you and apply to their siblings and friends.
- BAD BEHAVIOR:
Do not beat, shout, insult or curse your children. Do not blame your children for what you have experienced or what happened to you, do not insult them, do not offend them no matter what. Talk to him or her about your problems and let him or her express himself. When you treat your child badly and / or continue to behave, you will distance your child a little more each day and at the same time become a negative role model. If you continue to behave this way, you will have a grumpy, aggressive and, stubborn child.
Whatever happens, do not compare your children with their peers, the children of your relatives and neighbours, with their classmates, do not set them as an example. This will trigger your child to move away from you and cause them to feel anger at you. In this way, you also become a negative role model. If you compare your children to other children, your children will compare you with other parents.
- BE A REFEREE:
Do not be a referee among your children. Do not say someone is right, someone is wrong. Talk to the two of them when a problem arises between your children. Tell them about the wrong side of their behavior in language they can understand. Emphasize that siblings should not fight, they can communicate by talking.
- TEACHING FISHING:
Do not do what your children should do for him or her. Teach your child what to do and how. From time to time, tell your child about his or her responsibilities. Be a positive role model for him or her with your behavior. Don’t fish for your child, teach them how to catch fish
Let your child shop small amounts on their own by giving your child small amounts of money. First of all, you can start with family shopping. Give him some money and encourage him to do his own shopping, then pay at the checkout and put it in a bag, but do not help. At the very least, make sure he or she gets his own needs.
Let your child bring their friends to your home. Allow their friends 1-2 hours of play with your child and encourage them to play.
You must have an activity that you do outside as a family at least once a week. Activities are important for the psychosocial development of the child. Activities make children social and happy. It gives the child the opportunity to get to know theirself and their environment.
- SLEEP WITH THE CHILD:
Do not sleep in the same bed with your children. This causes your child to grow dependent on you. Even if you do not have the opportunity to make a room for your child, at least the bed should be separate. From time to time, you can lie down next to him for 10-15 minutes to sleep. But do not sleep with your children,
- NURSERY AND KINDERGARTEN:
If you want your child (if they are between 2-6 years old) to continue their age-appropriate development in a healthy way and want to be a social person, send him / her to a kindergarten / nursery.
- DIGITAL MATERIALS: Become a spouse and parent who encourages controlled use and is a role model, rather than a spouse or parent with strict rules and prohibitions on the Internet and digital materials. Stay away from being a spouse and parent who spends time at home on TV, phones, tablets, and computers in the evenings and stays at home without talking like a stranger. Leave your smartphones in the cloakroom at home. Do not pick up your phone unless they call you. Know that smartphones steal your time too much and drive family members apart.
- DIGITAL CONTENTS:
Do not allow your child to watch every movie, video and cartoon on TV, computer, tablet and smartphone. Do not allow him or her to watch movies and videos with extreme death scenes, violence, horror, slang and sexual content. Do not watch such movies and videos with your children. When you are going to watch videos or movies together, make a choice considering the age of your children. Make sure to use an internet filter on the internet you use at your home (to protect it from harmful content).
- WATCHING TV: For the healthy development of your children and for your family mental health, do not watch TV programs and TV series of the daily TV shows on TV during the day, and do not allow your children to watch it. You can watch documentary and historical movies as a family.
- DIVORCED COUPLES:
If you are a divorced couple, you should know this: You may have been divorced for a reason, but your child was not divorced from you. He or her is still your child. For your child, you should know that from time to time you have to talk to or face-to-face with your ex-partner. Also, you should never talk badly about your ex-spouse in front of your child. You should also prevent those who do this. Otherwise, the child will be negatively affected and both of you will be distant in the coming years.
PSYCHOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT INSTITUTE